Friday, September 2, 2016

Here's my dress - try it on.

Ok girls, if you think I'm a threat to your man, get over it.

Stop this high school nonsense.

Stop. it.


The reason why you are acting this way is cause you are insecure in your own self and relationship. If your man was gonna cheat he would've already done so. And not with me. Sorry.

I am gonna be honest about this: the next time your man dies and everyone you thought were friends of yours - both solo and or attached - drop out of your life in critical need - don't come crying to me. That's how I got and still get treated for it's stupid and sad and pathetic. Immature and lazy.

Actually - come over and I will show you how to be a friend. Yah kill you with kindness.

I'm not gonna say you deserve it, no one does but just remember the old blues song:

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Growing up what I was taught and what I have learned so far sometimes matched and sometimes don't -- so here's to matching stripes and plaids!
That we should enjoy life for we don't know when it will end.
Never live your life in fear.
Fear and Faith don't live in the same heart.
Follow your gut - think with your heart.
Save your pennies for you might need them one day.
Eat all the cookies if you want to. Just don't do it every day.
Get the oil changed every 3K miles
Look both ways when crossing the street.
Don't tease your brother.
And Jesus loves all the little children - even if you are 75
Bucket Lists are meant for making over and over again.
my favorite -
Walk on the wild side.
Take a listen to this: 

Sunday, August 7, 2016

This is what happens when I listen to a Lori McKenna album...

If  stop signs were meant to really stop; we would. And yet yield signs seem like they are just wave-by gestures.

He would say there are no coincidences in life. It's life in purest of form.

So I get this sign one night that all my worlds in the past years have collided into one word: Learning.

Learning to be alone, learning to let go of stuff, friends, family and yet learning to eat alone at restaurants is the easiest thing to do. I don't mind going to parties solo either for I have a good exit plan now. Walk steadily, touch a person, saying nothing and push the door open with one hand - totally textbook style.

But learning these things go away and understand that it could come back in another format is like Karma speaking to me. Like going away in Mp3 coming back in vinyl.

Learning is one of those things that we thought we were done with after college graduation. But oh no, the education has just begun. The bucket lists are crumbled up in the trashcan, the kids are driving you nuts, bills are piling up and all you wanna do is paint. Yet there is no end in sight it just keeps changing, as we learn about how to live. If you have reached the finish line, you're dead.

You find out not everything is your fault - it's just the way things are and that truth will hit the fan in a minute. Make sure you wear a shield of armour if you don't wanna feel the pain.

I'm trying to be authentic which is hard in a fairy tale world where hopes and dreams are like paper airplanes, flimsy and fly downward only to hit the ground to bend at the nose. I wish this learning had a curve, maybe to cut me slack.

SO now what? (that by the way was my first idea for my PR firm's name - can you hear the phones? "Now what?!" kinda like this old PR firm called "Joe's Garage" - that would flip me out, cause I really thought I called a car mechanic)

What now maybe should be the correct question: well, let's break it down, what is now a subject - so maybe that's a list of things we are crossing off and now is a timely matter - now could be in 5 seconds or 5 years. Maybe there's nothing to do at the moment. Maybe that's where I learn something new like, sit down and shut up.

But here's the kicker... did you know what we learned at the age of 5 stays with all our lives? Yeah so sharing the sandbox is the most important thing to do.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

I have a crush...

I think he knows it.
I think.
Or maybe I think I think he thinks I know...
And I am unwilling to compromise my friendship with him to tell him.
But I think about him night and day... he's damn good looking. He's sincere and generous. Kind hearted.
I have been told that I have a problem of mind reading... you want everyone to read your mind and you won't say a word.
Then I think do I really need him.
Probably not.
He's too young? Maybe.
Is he too wrapped up in someone else. I think so.
Am I tricking myself - my first reaction is yes. BUT there's a small... nah...
A friend said, you will have be the one to make the first move...
no. I am a good girl. no.
So here I sit.
That my crush isn't ever gonna know.
That I have missed the boat.
I will never say a word.

Monday, June 20, 2016

i said single and meant it...

it felt ok and weird at the same time.

I will play the w card if I have to.

If I could order a man at a restaurant - I would want a healthy, able, sound mind and body... like parents who are expecting. I don't want to settle.

I will and refuse to settle.

Get that boys?

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

don't piss off the sound man

before your show.

It's sage advice when a musician or a band is starting to play live shows. Get half your money up front - tip the staff  and don't piss off the sound man.
It's been handed down for years. It works when you don't and it works when you do.
As I make my way through my new business and I am the face of a lot of people and several times
this year I have had to make an ugly face.

It's the kind that my mother would say "what if you froze like that."

Trust is a huge issue for me - always has been.

I tell no one everything, someone nothing, and everyone something.

But I leave out names, places and checking accounts I have to - I'm in the mafia.

I have been slammed, screwed, exposed and I don't like it anymore.

So now that the soundman - meaning me - the stage will be dark til I said so.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

I re-wired my halo...

Wow what a difference it makes with a little bit of hope and some TLC.
I think I made a difference the other day.

I finally told a friend that no one calls. He wrote back in his messy handwriting telling me hang in there and continue my journey.

It was the sweetest thing that I have read in a long long time.

He has good bones.
Good structure to his mind, soul and heart.
He's got a good smile and laugh.
I just sit and giggle.

I ran into some of my artist friends, and they were gushing over the fact I looked so good. I am thinking is this after I let the air out of the bag? Did it make my skin glow? My halo come back? I mean it had a short in it... I did dye my hair and go to the beach so maybe it's the summer air.

I felt good about talking to my dear friend about this and he gave me another key. A key of knowledge that I don't really think ahout. Love from above - I'm not a religious person for any one can be religious about anything but being spiritual is the center of it all. My mother rubs it in all the time. In fact I got another "book" from her and I just tossed it aside. Knowing me I will pick it up and read it and cry.

So as I tell my mom, I will go back soon... once I figure it out. IT being - me not bursting into flames...

This process is a gonna take a lot longer than I thought. I may never get through it 100% but at least I know I can tell people easier than I thought how I feel. I hate to be "mean" but it's just been heartbreaking to deal with such rejection for lack of a better word. I can deal with death a 100 times over. The silence is harder than anything. It's like a high school silent treatment on steroids.

So I get told by another friend of mine, you will see you are loved - etc... ugh. Yah? Well... I don't believe it, I say. This was months ago.

And again, I PROMISE. I won't be the Debbie Downer or the 800LB Elephant or the party-pooper... only if you make me.