Thursday, July 24, 2014

Mayhem knows no boundaries...

And nobody is safe.

I have a favorite quote that reads:  "Life is not a straight line from birth to death…it’s a figure 8." 
(the author of that knows who he is)

It doesn't matter who you are and where you've been. The road to the next town can be divided in many ways; the easy route, the scenic way or the long way around. Easy money doesn't usually give way to a good deal and the hardest thing to do is wait.

I am waiting for my turn.
We all are.
I know that.

My patience ran very low and thin this morning based on the mere fact that I need a break. Not a trip to the beach, although that would be nice, but a break from the unknowing of what to do, when it's gonna happen and to have a financial break. I usually have the patience of a nun, but there are days when I feel like I can't wait any longer. So stop telling me, "your day will come... " and "you will see" and my favorite: "it will happen and you will know it and everything will fall into place."

Shut the F#*@ up please.

So after talking to a friend last night, and one this morning, I am still unsure. It makes me so sad that I can't do anything but wait. Another week? Another 2 weeks? A month? Why do I need to wait? Wait for what? The light? I just don't know what to do. And you can't help me because, well I can't tell you. *Thumps head on desk*

Am I complaining?
Sure I am.
Do I care what you think?
At first I wrote No.... now I am thinking maybe.

But what I am trying to convey is that I need this and that but I can't because of that and this cause I am stuck. I can't talk about it to anyone cause loose lips sink ships... I don't trust others over this particular situation so it leaves me with me. Great. Fabulous me.

I pray
I read three different horoscopes
I read all the memes and quotes I can
I need a therapist
I want an answer, NOW.

Cause you know why? It's wearing thin and I am losing interest.

Then something pops up and says "Hey this is your answer" then I feel later on... is it? Well, it's not in black and white so I don't feel a sense of security about it. I hate flimsy stuff especially when things have been so secure for so long. To a point. And I know that you have to work for something if you want it bad enough. Everyone will say they will help you but when it comes down to it they don't. Is it a consoling tactic?  I only see a few rising to the top to do something for others and pulling through til the end. It's a human flaw we have - we care at the moment but not for a the long haul. And what matters is the long haul. I really try to come through for others. Sometimes I don't feel like I do enough, or maybe I do but the QUALITY of the enough, isn't up to par for me. Then I feel like I failed. Or worse, being used.

This goes throughout our lives and in everyone's. Doesn't matter what level you are on, you're screwed. It just depends on where the screw is and if it's a flat head or a phillips. Location is everything I suppose. If you are holding the corners together or hanging out on the edge.  I know it sounds like I need an attitude adjustment and I have a sense of entitlement. But I don't - I just want a break. Something to bite on without getting bit.

Mayhem knows no boundaries - it's everywhere. Chaos is just a friendly reminder of that oncoming mayhem. Just ask Paul or Ringo, or even Duran Duran... now that was mayhem....

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