... but plans fell through.

It would've been 18 years today

This time last year we were getting our laminate floors put in on our Anniversary/Easter Sunday. Steed stayed upstairs to be out of the way.

It was a fresh start - new floors and 17 years of marriage. We were looking forward to a weekend in Macon with Royal Southern Brotherhood where he told the backstage cops he was a serial killer.

So all we had in front of us was some healing time for him and building up my business for me.

We had no idea what was to happen in 25 days.

NONE.


We never really did much for our wedding anniversary at all. No dinners, sometimes a trip, or maybe a gift or card or two.

I remember our wedding day - I went to bed at 8:30 the night before at my parents house in VA. We had already gone to the marriage license the day before - we laughed about the mere fact we could just drive off and not do the wedding... we were already "married".

My mom and I went to get our hair done. My hair is miles long so the hairdresser just rolled up in little buns all on top of my head. Nothing else she could do.

I had a great day but my back hurt. Hmmmmm
So we carried on, everything when as planned - 2PM on Saturday, April 4th - I walked down the aisle to Pacabel's Cannon In D. Hated the bride's march.
The pastor whom I'd know since I was 12 married us, we had to go through marriage therapy for it. They didn't cover the issue of if you were to die early... Hope Floats right?
So Pastor Jones got to my vows and I was crying too much to say them.
So he said we will just say "Ditto"
I would kid Steed about not being married cause I didn't say them.

Steed would say you were crying cause I was marrying him. Like I didn't want to.

So we drove off to the car wash to get the stuff off the rental car, I had changed into a black/red suit and I think he was in Jeans.

I think.

So my back is still hurting.  hmm mmm

So we got on the plane to go back to Atl to drive to my grandmother's condo on Daytona Beach and my best friend had called the airlines to get the flight attendants to wish us Happy Honeymoon after they did the how to do this if we crash stuff...
So everyone on the plane clapped and cheered. It was fun.

On Sunday, we went to the Boot Hill Saloon and laughed at the panties and bras hanging from the ceiling.

Then on Monday, we went to Universal Studios. I was pale, back hurting and so on. We were in line somewhere... and I about fainted. Steed took me to the ER where I was diagnosed with a severe UTI that put me in bed for a week. I had the bridal UTI - but mine was steroids.
SO I took this huge brown pill and stayed in bed and we left that Thursday two days before we were supposed to. Thank God we were at my grandmother's condo - which was a gift from her.

So fast forward throughout the years, we always had plans, dreams and hopes.

Plans to move to Nashville fell through because Steed's mom died and his dad asked us to live with him. So we had an instant home ownership and had that plan re-routed. Then Steed had dreams of being a successful songwriter - he was but not it wasn't enough for him. I had dreams that I was living and doing. Hopes for the future after his dad moved out of the house, after 15 years into a nursing home. We hoped to fix the home and grow my biz and get more songs recorded and travel...
The last thing Steed was looking at was staying on the beach in the summer so we could relax. Never made it.

So for the next few weeks while I make my way through a lot of work, 10 CD releases from March to September. A few trips and a lot of writing to do. But I will be doing little things to honor Steed I won't post or talk about them until I am done.

Today is sweet and bitter - I am crying here and there. I even thought of a cool thing to do with my wedding dress. The picture up above is me at my final fitting at the wedding shop. Today I am starting a detox cleanse, today I have to clean up litter boxes, today I have to clean clothes... a lot of cleaning up to do.

I have had to learn to be friends with myself, not get too angry, roll with the punches and not say a word. But today I am.

But since our honeymoon went south we always vowed to do another one. But Plans fell through.