Tuesday, July 21, 2009


This the story of The Escape From Panty Drawer Island. This is for entertainment purposes and also for those who have ever been in that mission or hunt for something and gave up and then they appeared. Sometimes I feel that God is playing with me, by taking things out and hiding them, then once I have walked away from it, places that item back to reassure me to have faith.
So hence this story.

I went home to VA for Christmas 2 years ago, surprised my folks cause we had told them we weren’t coming-lack of funds and Steed had to work during the whole break. So I snuck up there early in the morning and 9AM my folks were surprised to see me on the day after Christmas.

The next day or so we had fun, catching up, running along with them on errands and having a “late Christmas” with my brother’s family like have done for years. So, my older brother gave me a VISA gift card for $100. So, my mom and I went shopping at Tyson’s Corner and went to Nordstrom first. I used to work there, so all of my customer service standards are held there. If you give me lip service I tell you this, “well at Nordstrom this would never happen.” So we went to the shoe dept, the clothing dept and well the lingerie dept. I love pretty –let’s use the word unmentionables… as my grandfather would’ve said. But I am a cheapskate so, I don’t spend much on them. I find things at all the lower end retail stores so to spend $40 bucks on 2 panties is a BIG deal. So I picked out two, one from Betsey Johnsen and one from Honeydew. Ok. There you go, that’s the purchase.

Now I love these unmentionables and I have to plan to wear them cause if I wear them to the gym, I look stupid with ruffles and yoga pants right? (Hear the gym chatter: “OMG she’s either got some major cellulite or she’s wearing a diaper!”) So, a lot of times I will wear them on the days I don’t go to the gym. I have to really just wear them with Jeans…. But I love them anyways. I started to wash them very carefully…then gave in put them in a lingerie bag-so they aren’t ruined.

Well, about March of this year, I went to look for them, in my Panty Drawer where it all pops out all over the place when you open it cause there are many pairs that you have to stuff it all back in, hold it down with one hand and push it closed with the other. So, I combed through it, I dumped it on the bed, I looked below in the drawers underneath, I looked in the back of the drawer. Nothing, nowhere to be seen. UGH!

I went to the closet and COMBED through the dirty clothes, I dumped it out on the floor. I went through each bag that was in there. Nothing. I went through my shoe boxes. Nothing. Ok onto the bathroom – nothing. I went down stairs to the washer and dryer I pulled out the wet clothes, the dry clothes , the iron pile and the dirty ones there in line to get clean. NOTHING.

All this is happening, and I have to get to work. So I have checked my art studio, I have checked my gym bag, even combed through Steed’s car and drawers THINKING it got hidden. Black ruffled unmentionables do blend in with other black clothes. SO I am racking my brain on the way to work.

I think ok, when was the last time I wore them, usually oddly enough I could you tell this, but this time I couldn’t. So, I knew if I asked Steed, he would ask me, “how could you lose something that was on you?” The look of suspicion, the raised eyebrow and the silent treatment would follow. So, I couldn’t say anything to him. I didn’t want a divorce, based on the fact I couldn’t find my black ruffled unmentionables that were supposed to be ON ME, and now I couldn’t find them.

Back home, after work, act cool Jill act cool. I slide in my searches, over the next week or so, as if I am cleaning out and reorganizing. I go through the sheets to make sure NOTHING got caught in the pockets of the sheets, I go through my father in law’s sheets as I wash them to make they weren’t there. This goes on for another week. Rinse and repeat. Steed in the meantime is unemployed, trying to figure it out and it’s hard-the appeals go wrong, our cars break down, I have art gallery stress through the ceiling, etc… stress is hitting the fan and all I am worried about is a pair of panties.

SO finally I think I will check with the gym. I got up to the front desk, WHISPER my lost item. I am thinking I lost them while changing and someone picked them up and is wearing them today or they were put in the lost and found pile… You know, Betsy Johnsen is pricy so… gotta think that way. So, I tell the girls, and they giggle. (Great now I am known, as “she’s the one who can’t find her panties!”) They try to help me. No results. So as I walk out I stop a girl, who works there, to ask. She says if you don’t know when you lost them they were thrown out. UGH! Ok so a few more days go by and it’s April something. I have to tell Steed that I can’t find my panties.

It’s a Weds night, my wonderful maid had been by to clean and I LOVE COMING home to a clean house….it’s great. SO as you can imagine, I am tired, of a lot of things by now. Everything from this dang hunt, to money, to the weather to everything. But I haven’t been able to think straight about those things cause of the stupid ruffled black unmentionables that cost me 20.00! BUT the main thing is I hate to lose things. I can count one hand things I have lost. I thought well, it’s time to start on the hand.

So, I get upstairs to change out of my work clothes, I look down on top of a huge pile of magazines, papers, files and such. And guess what’s there: MY RUFFLED BLACK BETSEY JOHNSEN PANTIES THAT COST ME $25! TAAAAAAAAA DDAAAAAAAAAH!

OH I was happy, relieved, elated… and I turned to Steed, and said, I have been trying to find these for months! He looked at me, with the raised eyebrow and asked “how could you lose something that was supposed to on you?” I giggled and told him the WHOLE story- everything even down to the fact I had to look in his drawers. He just rolled his eyes and said, “well now you have found them. And let’s eat dinner.”

So the whole reason for the tale of Escape from Panty Drawer Island, was for me to have something so stupid to worry about while other things that would’ve giving me a heartattack and so I wouldn’t worry so things would work out the way they need to do. And in fact they have… we’ve have had some rough patches but things have always been ok.

I know those panties for a fact weren’t there when I left. And the maid would’ve put them on the dresser not on the floor on a pile of mags and files. So you tell me, is it God, fate or dumb luck?

I think it’s a little of all three-hope you had a laugh.

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